I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
