I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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