They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
