Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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