i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
