You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
