Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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