just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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