I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
