New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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