i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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