just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
