She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Randomize
