Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
