Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
