shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
