you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
