At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
