I will die if light touches me.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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