If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
