she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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