Sponge bath it is.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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