good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
