after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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