i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
