I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
