your parents love me but you hate me
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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