i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
