Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
