Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
