she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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