Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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