I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
