And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
