well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
