dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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