Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
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