I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
