Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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