By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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