We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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