dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
i need some magic done to my vagina
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
