We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I party with great urgency now.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
