Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
