So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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