Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
