it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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