Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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