If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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