I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
