Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
