How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
A+ Viking dick
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
